What I am about to say is not to be taken lightly. It is not to be taken in haste, vain, or with a side of butter and jam. I’m talking about penitence, people. Prayer. Almsgiving. Self-denial. LENT! The next 44 days of my meager little existence here in the Dub will be bread-less. Don’t panic. I’ve a plan.
Hold on a tick. I have pumpkin bread in the oven and I believe it’s just browning…
Okay. Where was I? Aha. Yeah. No bread. It is Fat Tuesday, aka Pancake Tuesday (or if you prefer, Marti Gras), and I am preparing my pumpkin loaves for transit to the IES center where we are having a big ol’ pancake party. I sincerely believe they are holding this party exclusively for my pleasure (they know I have a fearful 44 days ahead of me…), but they say it’s an annual thing here in Ireland. Pancake Tuesday. This is one custom I simply MUST bring back to the states.
For all you doubters and non-believers, I have concocted an argument to express my terms and intentions. I anticipate (and am already receiving) complaints, inquiries, retorts, and simple downright bitching. But alas, Liz has done her homework, and she is ready.
For the practice of Lent, I will forgo bread starting tomorrow (Ash Wednesday), until April 4th (Easter).
And here’s where the disclaimers come into play:
DISCLAIMER #1: the term ‘bread’ applies to none of the following: tortilla wraps, noodles, crackers, (Irish) chips, pancakes, and those little rice cake thingies.
DISCLAIMER #2: the term ‘bread’ applies to all of the following: bread slices, bread loaves, scones, crepes, croutons.
DISCLAIMER #3: I am NOT a catholic. I do not affiliate with any organized religion. With that said, I do, however, possess an acute urge to misconstrue and use at my discretion the tradition of Lent, to better my own personal will-power and achievement.
DISCLAIMER #4: Though I am a Diet Coke Catholic (afore mentioned disclaimer), I have committed to this idea and after extensive research, I have concluded the Catholics are crazy because between February 17th and April 4th lies 46 days. Bollocks.
DISCLAIMER #5: I will practice penitence (aka won’t eat bread) every day until Easter, EXCEPT Sundays. That’s God’s day, folks. And it is the (majority) belief that no one, I repeat, no one should fast on this holy day. I’m just listening to the good word.
Nothing enthralls, motivates, or controls me as much as bread. It is my daily luxury that has been used and abused for far too long. Yes, I’m being dramatic, but I’m also being honest. It’s time to see what Elizabeth is without the b-r-e-a-d: Elizth.
Wonderful adventures to come, I promise whole-heartedly.
On that note, I’m off to gorge myself with flapjacks and scones.
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I am speechless. I can't fathom how you will manage. Good luck, and enjoy your pancakes (which seem pretty close to bread on the "Bread Spectrum" - probably closer than croutons to bread...There, I've said what must be said).
ReplyDeleteI probably will stop reading your blog if you stop writing about bread.
ReplyDeletebe wary of breaded chicken, dear.
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